That's what's said in the Lunchbox, the very tender movie I've seen on the plane on my way to the USofA.
Of course, thanks to the infinite process of revelation that life is, this struck me as being quite appropriate. As those of you who know me might know, right now, I'm hesitating between two possibilities: becoming a diplomed physical therapist / osteopath and having the best life for realzies, or going all the way to meditation and openness and unknown and probably mega interesting experiences / mistakes, or getting back to some reality and denouncing stupidity elsewhere than in the loo in front of my iphone. When I put it that way, you can see where my heart goes.
Today's topic is anal retention, by the way.
Anyway, I came here in DC a bit early to be able to attend to Tara Brach's meditation sessions. She's a meditation teacher and psychologist who does these podcasts, and I was super excited to come and see her. Of course I was also super poorly organized thanks to my actual state of confusion, so I thought that driving all the way from NYC to DC right after having spent 70 hours without much sleep was a brilliant idea. It was, as many ideas are. Then you actually experiment them and they look like Marlene on drag (in Witness for the prosecution):
But anyway, the power of the mind blabla, I did manage to arrive right on time - only to find the door shut. It turns out I got the wrong address, and there I was, alone and somehow poorer, exhausted, and quite amused. How dumb was that?
I figured out that was pretty much the best thing that could have happened to me yesterday (I kind of anticipated some massive failure like that). Because, indeed, sometimes, when I'm not really myself, I project some qualities onto others (like spiritual qualities these days, whatever that means), and that's idiotic and it reinforces the idea that I should be something else (better, wiser, whatever (which does mean more whatev, by the way)). So I'm clearly doing that these days, with obsession, and I was fortunate enough to sabotage my own tendency to idolatry yesterday. Yay! That makes me act as a brutal "I'm gonna force my way there" type of person.
To be honest, I'm always torn by meditation, and other kindness / *spiritual* practices. A part of me knows that it's true and real and of the utmost importance to be able to come back to your body, find true refuge into the aliveness of the heart, deep relaxation of knowing that everything's right at this moment. And for that, meditation, yoga, but also a sincere conversation with a loved one, etc., can be useful. But another part of me is suspicious of this in an absolute sense, first because I do have a problem with organized authority, and also because the form doesn't make for the substance.
What does this have to do with anal retention, you might be asking yourselves?
Well, everything.
First, many people are prone to anal retention and it's not cool. Second, for me, symbolic (and sometimes physical) anal retention comes with the idea that whatever this I is is not good enough, and should get different, better, etc. It comes whenever you're not light enough, when you become more rigid, less water-like. It is especially easy to get there whenever you had some intense experience, and you have a tendency to crave for whatever it is that could bring it back. Like the fish in the sea looking for the sea, you're starting to go after the simulacres of spirituality*, as if someone else's well being, insight or tranquility could be passed on you via language. It might be useful, in a transitory movement, but it's just that, transitory. And, as I do, you sit and meditate and etc., and fantasize about going to some monastery, etc, even though you know very well that there's nothing to be initiated to. That whatever makes you doubt, tears your mind here and fro, is the source of your ailments. Not the solutions you're daydreaming about. Not changing this or that (even though sometimes it can too be useful). But that confusion arises from itself, and goes. It is mostly inconclusive. You know, but sometimes you know so well that you actually don't live it any longer. You see it from the outside.
You might say "but no, that's not true, I hugged Amma and I felt her power". If you say that.. How did you get here again? Anyway, welcome. If you say that, I'm glad for you, I wish we could talk about it.. Because to a certain extend, everything is co-produced and conditioned by each other, as Nagarjuna developed. I might develop that later, but the practical side of it is that gurus are made by their followers, and their - sometimes sincere - charisma has as much to do with their own devotion to a general wellbeing as the recognition thereof.
To a certain extent, there's no mystery, no mystique. No such thing as enlightenment. If you're hit by the truth, it's a unique, irreproducible pattern of inner and outer circumstances. Nothing can be said that captures the truth of any moment, it can only be approached or evoked but never replaces a stage which is self sufficient and needs no intermediary, even with language.
It does make sense because we mostly look for spiritual advice when we accumulate enough distress to look for something bigger, something that can hold the suffering and yet be loving. We want to know that love prevails. We accumulate noise and look for silence. That's perfectly legitimate, and it makes sense, and it's necessary to heal, but that's not permanent. I mean some books, some people, some travels were wonderful and made my heart beat, but they do not possess that quality as such. They just reflect a specific mindset, that's what the world is here for.
Yeah, well..
That's not super coherent. I'll sleep next time.
Have a great day wolvies!
Of course, thanks to the infinite process of revelation that life is, this struck me as being quite appropriate. As those of you who know me might know, right now, I'm hesitating between two possibilities: becoming a diplomed physical therapist / osteopath and having the best life for realzies, or going all the way to meditation and openness and unknown and probably mega interesting experiences / mistakes, or getting back to some reality and denouncing stupidity elsewhere than in the loo in front of my iphone. When I put it that way, you can see where my heart goes.
Today's topic is anal retention, by the way.
Anyway, I came here in DC a bit early to be able to attend to Tara Brach's meditation sessions. She's a meditation teacher and psychologist who does these podcasts, and I was super excited to come and see her. Of course I was also super poorly organized thanks to my actual state of confusion, so I thought that driving all the way from NYC to DC right after having spent 70 hours without much sleep was a brilliant idea. It was, as many ideas are. Then you actually experiment them and they look like Marlene on drag (in Witness for the prosecution):
But anyway, the power of the mind blabla, I did manage to arrive right on time - only to find the door shut. It turns out I got the wrong address, and there I was, alone and somehow poorer, exhausted, and quite amused. How dumb was that?
I figured out that was pretty much the best thing that could have happened to me yesterday (I kind of anticipated some massive failure like that). Because, indeed, sometimes, when I'm not really myself, I project some qualities onto others (like spiritual qualities these days, whatever that means), and that's idiotic and it reinforces the idea that I should be something else (better, wiser, whatever (which does mean more whatev, by the way)). So I'm clearly doing that these days, with obsession, and I was fortunate enough to sabotage my own tendency to idolatry yesterday. Yay! That makes me act as a brutal "I'm gonna force my way there" type of person.
To be honest, I'm always torn by meditation, and other kindness / *spiritual* practices. A part of me knows that it's true and real and of the utmost importance to be able to come back to your body, find true refuge into the aliveness of the heart, deep relaxation of knowing that everything's right at this moment. And for that, meditation, yoga, but also a sincere conversation with a loved one, etc., can be useful. But another part of me is suspicious of this in an absolute sense, first because I do have a problem with organized authority, and also because the form doesn't make for the substance.
What does this have to do with anal retention, you might be asking yourselves?
Well, everything.
First, many people are prone to anal retention and it's not cool. Second, for me, symbolic (and sometimes physical) anal retention comes with the idea that whatever this I is is not good enough, and should get different, better, etc. It comes whenever you're not light enough, when you become more rigid, less water-like. It is especially easy to get there whenever you had some intense experience, and you have a tendency to crave for whatever it is that could bring it back. Like the fish in the sea looking for the sea, you're starting to go after the simulacres of spirituality*, as if someone else's well being, insight or tranquility could be passed on you via language. It might be useful, in a transitory movement, but it's just that, transitory. And, as I do, you sit and meditate and etc., and fantasize about going to some monastery, etc, even though you know very well that there's nothing to be initiated to. That whatever makes you doubt, tears your mind here and fro, is the source of your ailments. Not the solutions you're daydreaming about. Not changing this or that (even though sometimes it can too be useful). But that confusion arises from itself, and goes. It is mostly inconclusive. You know, but sometimes you know so well that you actually don't live it any longer. You see it from the outside.
You might say "but no, that's not true, I hugged Amma and I felt her power". If you say that.. How did you get here again? Anyway, welcome. If you say that, I'm glad for you, I wish we could talk about it.. Because to a certain extend, everything is co-produced and conditioned by each other, as Nagarjuna developed. I might develop that later, but the practical side of it is that gurus are made by their followers, and their - sometimes sincere - charisma has as much to do with their own devotion to a general wellbeing as the recognition thereof.
To a certain extent, there's no mystery, no mystique. No such thing as enlightenment. If you're hit by the truth, it's a unique, irreproducible pattern of inner and outer circumstances. Nothing can be said that captures the truth of any moment, it can only be approached or evoked but never replaces a stage which is self sufficient and needs no intermediary, even with language.
It does make sense because we mostly look for spiritual advice when we accumulate enough distress to look for something bigger, something that can hold the suffering and yet be loving. We want to know that love prevails. We accumulate noise and look for silence. That's perfectly legitimate, and it makes sense, and it's necessary to heal, but that's not permanent. I mean some books, some people, some travels were wonderful and made my heart beat, but they do not possess that quality as such. They just reflect a specific mindset, that's what the world is here for.
Yeah, well..
That's not super coherent. I'll sleep next time.
Have a great day wolvies!
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